I'm shitting rainbows!!!

I apologize for being MIA for a week or so, but changes at work have kept me super busy ( I try to blog during my lunch hour), or I get home late and I'm tired...blah blah blah right?

So this week in American history has been all over the fucking place.  From a total piece of shit mass murderer, who killed people just because they were black, to the Supreme Court finally telling the masses to get over themselves, man the fuck up and accept that everyone can get married.

Really what it boils down to is hate.  This piece of shit asshole (I refuse to give him any credit and use his name) hated a group of people based on their race...stupid right?  People in this country hated a group of people, based on who they choose to love, their ability to get married....stupid right?

I grew up in an incredibly liberal city (San Francisco) where peoples sexuality wasn't an issue.  I had friends who were gay or bi and straight.  It wasn't until I was much older, that I realized not everyone had the same thoughts on the LBGT community that I did.  Didn't every town have a giant Pride Parade?  Didn't every town dedicate the month of June to Pride?  Didn't every town have Naked Sunday??

Since I'm also old and didn't grow up attached to a phone that does everything, and still misses the noise of dial up....I was exposed to hate of someone just because you loved someone of the same sex.  As we are exposed more to the world, I think we tend to stick with like minded people. Case in point?  As I scroll down my Facebook page I see all the glorious rainbows and see everyones profile picture identical.  What it all boils down to is support....and that fucking awesome.

So Happy Pride to all my LBGT friends.  Congrats on being able to have your marriage recognized in the States and I'm ecstatic this happened in my lifetime.

So this Crabbie Chris leaves you with this quote from Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy....

Prison Breaks my vagina

I'm sure by now you've all heard of the escape of New York prison inmates Richard Matt and David Sweat.  These murderers are being compared to the most awesomest of all movies "Shawshank Redemption".  They used power tools in the dark of the night to escape a maximum security prison, had a get away car and one would assume, a way to blend into society because it's been over a week, and their asses haven't been caught yet.

Many questions are being asked about this.....how did they get their hands on these tools?  How long were they doing this?  Who was helping them?  Where are they?!?!


At the time this story broke, my boyfriend busted out with....I wonder who in the prison was helping them?  I remember thinking...who would do that?  I watch Lockup religiously....it's hard to sneak anything into prison.  Workers and visitors are searched and where they would have to hide anything to sneak it in....well all I can say is ouch....that's not going into my ass or vagina!

As it turns out my boyfriend is brilliant and it took just one day to come out that they did, in fact, help help.  Her name is Joyce Mitchell, a middle aged grandmother who, it turns out, was banging both of them!  She's an animal!!  She was suppose to drive the getaway car, have them kill her husband and dive off into an orgy of glorious threesomes, but she had a panic attack and didn't go through with it.  Why would a hard working woman stick power tool bits into her bits, sneak them to these two killers who she's having prison sex with (sooooooo hot), agree to get them out of dodge, kill her husband then run away with them??  Why would she do this?  Rumor has it Richard Matt has a giant penis.

There you have it in a nut shell.....giant penis = huge vaginal cavity to sneak it all in.

Crabbie Chris

Do you love a good prison story?  I DO!  Share them with me.

Follow my bandwagon!!

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, surrounded by parks, the bay, the Golden Gate Bridge and asshole sports fans!  Now I don't follow sports at all, but I am a huge fan of Disneyland.  Now when I plan a trip to Disneyland, I don't then set fire to my city, steal shit out of stores and destroy city property.  I don't go around spraying M. Mouse onto city buses, I don't grab a bottle of pixie dust, light it on fire then throw it at cops.

Now why am I bringing this random topic up?  It's because some basketball team is in a championship game, and had the potential to win this event tonight.  As I watched the morning news with my dogs today, it was reported that local law enforcement agencies are gearing up for the inevitable rioting and jackassery that goes along with this win (if it doesn't happen tonight it might sometime this week).  This report reminded me of when the SF Giants won some championship thus bringing out the inner hellion in otherwise normal individuals.

So the real kicker to all this?  If they win, the city will probably burn and if they lose? the city will probably burn.  I ask you this....why?  What joy does an individual get out of this?  Did they shoot baskets, hit a homerun or score a touchdown?  Are the members of the team out there pissing on cop cars and setting bonfires in the middle of Mission Street?

I'm hoping basketball fans might be a bit more civil than the SF Giants fans and not cause traffic delays or burn a bus that I might need to ride in.  I'm hoping that since I didn't even know we had a basketball team up until a few weeks ago, that the "fans" are bandwagoners that will realize that if they win or lose, their miserable lives will still be the same.

Crabbie Chris

Are you a fan of sports or are you a "bandwagoner"?  Do you enjoy burning your city to the ground if it wins or loses?  I'd love to hear from you!

Transethnic?

The newest controversy to hit the internet is that of Rachel Dolezal.  She was head of the Spokane Wash. chapter of the NAACP.  The reason....she claimed she was black, however she is, in fact white (with some Native American mixed in).  She grew up with a family that welcomed African American children into the home in the form of her parents adopting children into their home.  She studied at Howard University, and teaches African American Studies at Eastern Washington University.


For the past eight years, Ms. Dolezal has been perming her hair, doing a full body spray tan and filling out applications as someone who has African American in their background.  As I've seen stories about her I've heard a new term "TransEthnic", as someone who believes they are born into the wrong ethnicity.

Now I'm all for someone who dedicates their life to making changes in society.  Whatever your cause and your fight, if you dedicate your life to your beliefs and the advancement of those beliefs, then I say go for it.  My problem with Rachel Dolezal is that she lied.  She tried to pass her adopted brothers off as her children, she lied on applications and she lied to NAACP.  If she had just been straight forward and put her cause out there to fight the good fight, then I think she would have made a difference.  Instead she's publicly shamed and humiliated, has had to resign  and has come across as a liar.

I'm not sure I understand Transethnic.  I'm ok being in this lout Italian body (although the birthing hips are something I can live without).  I'm not sure her motivations, I'm not sure if she feels trapped in a white body or if she even knows what to believe about herself.  I will be curious to see what happens to her in the future.


Crabbie Chris

Share your thoughts....do you think it's possible to feel trapped in the wrong ethnicity?  Comment below.

You're buggin' the hell out of me!

So tonight I'm in my Honda Fit driving my insane GSD to the park for an evening walk.  We come up to a stop sign where we are in the right lane to go straight and this bright yellow VW Bug is in the left turn only lane.  She realizes she has to turn but clearly doesn't want to, so she looks to move over into my lane.  Being that I have my dog with me and I've got my Disney music playing, I let her in.  Then she does the unthinkable.....doesn't wave a thanks.  I find it to be so rude when drivers don't wave a thanks when clearly you let them in rescuing them from going down the wrong path.

I continue my drive with her in front of me and sure enough, she turns left at the same intersection as me.  So off we go towards our park with this rude bitch in front of me.  We're driving through a residential area, and we come across a four way stop.  So she stops in front of me and doesn't move.  No one is in front of her, around her, crossing the street or walking anywhere around us.  She's just sitting there picking her damn nose.  So I toot my horn nicely, and she continues to just sit there.  So despite Demi Lavato's version of "Let It Go" playing I ride my horn and channel my inner ASL expert and show her my middle finger.  It's like I woke her up and she finally gets going.

I grew up and live in the SF Bay Area, I'm used to rude ass shitty drivers.  I'm sure someone feels that way about me, but this dumb whore pissed me off and almost ruined my good mood.  Luckily I have a wonderfully sweet dog who gives mom lots of kisses when we got to the park and let me skip while listening to my Disney music.

Crabbie Chris

Do you have rude shitty ass drivers where you live?  Comment below

My uterus rejoices that it's never had kids

I'm sure by now you've seen the infamous "Walmart Battle" between the woman in the lark (lazy) and the rude shopper.  If you haven't You Tube, the first half of this video with the volume on and a box of Kleenex, for you will surely mourn the loss of humanity.  What I am going to cover, however, is not the horrendous (if not a tad bit humorous) display of white trash, but the little boy in the video Johnny.

In the first video you hear the mom (in black) yelling at him to punch the woman in the face, not in self defense, but while she had her on the ground already punching her.  The young boy takes turns throwing shampoo bottles at the woman's face, punching and kicking her all while several bystanders hang around, absorbed in the show, making sure they capture this moment.  Remember....mom is encouraging this behavior.

At one point, this young boy is told by the crowd of ADULTS, to not throw the bottles and to stop behaving in this manner.  He then approaches the crowd and talks back to them, indicating that he wasn't going to stop and that they can't tell him what to do....even pointing at them while telling them off.  Mom must be so proud....oh wait....she is!

Now I think two grown woman fighting in the shampoo aisle of Walmart is juvenile, white trash but a bit funny.  Would I throw down with a woman in a lark zipping around Target?  No way!  but they are adults and are choosing to be an embarrassment to woman kind everywhere.  What I find disturbing is the manner in which this woman encourages that little boy to not only assault a woman, but to be disrespectful to adults in general.

I'm sure this young boys future is bleak.  If at the age of 6 or 7 by my guess, he finds no fault in hitting, punching and kicking a woman while she is down on the ground, can you imagine how he will treat woman as he matures?  I'm sure the Marion County Sheriff Department will save a cell for him.

Crabbie Chris

Share your thoughts on this fight, or how this boy is abusing this woman in the comments below.

Oh go touch this!

Here's my new enemy....the no touch towel dispensers often found in public toilets.  How come every time I run my hands under the sensor....nothing comes out?!?  Then when I walk away with dripping wet hands it magically comes pouring out at warp speed.  Why are you so difficult??  Why can't I just get that nice old fashioned one where I use my nasty wet hand to ratchet the lever into dispensing the towels?

Then there's this space age contraption.  It's the Dyson hand blow dryer.  Place your hands into this device at your own risk.  The wind is so powerful I think layers of flesh have been ripped off my phalanges.  When I dare to pull my finger out of this Star Trek invention, they still aren't 100% dry and I have to then battle the no touch towel dispenser.


Please tell me I'm not the only one who endures this battle.....leave a comment below and share your experiences.

Crabbie Chris